A Tale of Two Cities: Part the Fifth

Chapter 17
One Night

The Manettes sit alone on the eve of Lucie’s wedding:

Lucie: Are you happy with this arrangement?

Dr. Manette: Quite happy.

L: Because I couldn’t be happy if you weren’t happy.

D: Well I couldn’t be happy if YOU weren’t happy.

L: But I would be fine with being unhappy if that’s what it took to make you happy.

D: But then you being unhappy would put a damper on me being happy.

L: Well I would be unhappy if being unhappy made you unhappy.

D: What if we both tried being happy?

L: I guess I could go with that.

D: Okay, So it’s settled then. Unfortunately all this unhappy talk brings up unhappy memories of my imprisonment. Long term solitary confinement makes one’s mind wander in odd ways, so I will now spend the next two pages rambling about my unhappy memories in a semi-coherent manner that might not make any sense.

L: You are correct that I did not really understand all of that, but the parts I did understand were quite depressing. TL;DR you imagined me as a loving mother and wife while you wilted away in obscurity. This was a fun chat. I feel much more positive about things now.

Chapter 18
Nine Days

Wedding morning and Mr. Lorry, “who could not sufficiently admire the bride, and who had been moving round her to take in every point of her quiet, pretty dress” is sounding decidedly creepy, but maybe old men eyeing every inch of a teenage girl was not as off putting back then. I dunno, he is man of business and all.

The wedding is a small affair with only the Manettes, Darnay, Mr. Lorry, and Miss Prost in attendance. Miss Pross starts crying.

Lorry: Now see here, I can’t have any crying around me.

Pross: I’m not crying, you are. (Actual quote)

L: Okay, while you are busy not crying, I will wonder if there might not have been a Mrs. Lorry at some point in the last fifty years.

P: Poo, you were a bachelor in your cradle. (Actual quote)

L: That seems probable. (Actual quote). Now, back to business, Lucie, let me assure you that your father will be taken care of during your two-week honeymoon to Warwickshire, and when you return to collect him for a second two-week honeymoon to Wales as an awkward threesome, he will be in tip top shape.

Darnay and Doctor Manette join them, the latter looking pale and worried. My guess is that Darnay told him his actual name, and that his evil Marquis uncle had something to do with Manette being locked up in the first place. The Doctor hides it during the wedding till after Darnay and Lucie ride off to the honeymoon. After that he drops all pretenses and goes to his room. Lorry goes to check in at Tellson’s, and when he gets back, Manette is shut in his room making shoes in pretty much the same state he was in when we first found him in the wine-shop garret. In other words, totally unresponsive.

Mr. Lorry is so worried that he arranges his first ever vacation from Tillson’s (as in he has literally never taken a break in sixty years) so he can watch over Dr. Manette with Miss Pross. They spend the next nine days trying to get him to snap out of it with no luck.

As Lucie and Darnay are blissfully unaware of all this in Warwickshire, they are presumably having the best of Shires. In keeping with the theme of the book though, we are only privy to the Worcestershire of times going on back in London.

Chapter 19
An Opinion

The morning of the tenth day sees Dr. Manette inexplicably back to normal. Lorry and Pross decide to play it cool and act like nothing happened for fear of him slipping back into it. They all come down for breakfast and Manette thinks it is the day after the wedding. He starts to doubt his time frame when he looks at his hands and sees them covered in shoe making grime.

Lorry: Say Doctor, I need a learned opinion about a friend of mine, who is definitely not you, about a shock he received. I really want to help him, so I need you to pay attention for his daughter’s sake.

Manette: As I suspect that this friend may in fact be referring to me, you had best be as detailed as possible.

L: Well you see, some years ago he suffered a severe and prolonged trauma of an unknown duration, but one that he has since fully recovered from. He is totally recovered from this bad time and back to being the intelligent doctor he was. Unfortunately he had a slight relapse recently for nine days.

M: Oh my, and during this relapse did he pick up any old habits he had during his bad time, like, oh, I don’t know, shoemaking?

L: He did actually. It was like he reverted to exactly how he was right after his bad time.

M: Goodness, and did his daughter, who is definitely not Lucie, know about his relapse?

L: No, just me and trusted friend who is definitely not Miss Pross. Hopefully his daughter will never know.

M: Oh that’s great news! I…er…he must be so relieved.

L: Indeed. And I would very much like to keep it that way, so, in your expert opinion, any idea what triggered it or if it might happen again? Any idea how I can prevent it or at the very least help him if it does?

M: I suspect he may have seen it coming and tried to prepare himself in vain. Knowing it would distress him greatly, he did the wisest thing and planned for the shock to happen on the morning of his daughter’s wedding. That would in no way potentially ruin the event. Having endured the shock of it, I do believe the worst is over.

L: Oh capital! That means I will no longer have to deal with any troublesome emotions. On to the next order of business then! Do you think my friend might be overexerting himself, and that this may have led to his recent episode?

M: Oh not at all. I think only some similar event would cause that. With all the other events that must occur in the next 130 pages it is simply impossible that such a thing would occur again. Totally predictable plot points like those simply don’t happen you see.

L: Quite so. One last point. During his bad time my friend picked up a trade, let’s say…blacksmithing. He had a little forge that he returned to during his relapse. Would it be wise to keep it around? Might it not remind him of his torment?

M: Well, yes, but he yearned for something to do so much during his prolonged bad time, and the fear of his need for it at some future time makes him terribly frightened to let go of it.

L: Well, I think it might do more harm than good. Do you think if my friend gave me his permission to remove it he would let me?

D: Yes that might be for the best, but it should be removed when he is away.

L: By an amazing coincidence he is due to go away on a little vacation soon. I shall do so at that point.

Manette leaves to join Lucie and Darnay. After he leaves Lorry and Pross destroy his shoemaking work bench.

Chapter 20
A Plea

Lucie and Darnay come home, and the first visitor to greet them is Carton. Carton pulls Darnay aside.

Carton: Remember that time I was drunk?

Darnay: Gonna have to be more specific.

C: I mean super drunk.

D: Gonna have to be more specific.

C: The time I kept forcing you to confess you disliked me.

D: Gonna have to be more specific.

C: The day of your trial where we had a super painful dinner together.

D: Oh, that. Forgot all about it.

C: Of course that’s the polite thing to say, but I haven’t forgotten.

D: Well, I had more pressing matters at the time what with narrowly escaping the gallows, and your help was invaluable, so don’t worry about it.

C: Yeah about that. My help was just some clever lawyering and meant nothing.

D: Well that’s just the polite thing to say.

C: In any case, you know I’m worthless and will always be so, right?

D: Well I don’t know about always.

C: Oh I will. So I’m wondering if you wouldn’t mind if I hang out here from time to time just lurking in the background being my worthless self.

D: Well you pretty much do that already, so sure, have at it.

He leaves, the rest have supper. Darnay mentions the conversation in passing and how miserable Carton is. Afterwards at bed, Lucie admonishes him and wishes he would be kinder about Carton. She tells him he is probably beyond saving, but is also capable of magnanimous things. Darnay realizes he had been kinda harsh in how he sounded and promises to be gentler in reference to him.

Chapter 21
Echoing Footsteps

Seasons change, time passes by, as the weeks become the months become the years.

Lucie and Darnay have Little Lucie, and then a little boy who dies while only a few years old. Stryver marries a widow with three boys “who had nothing particularly shining about them but the straight hair of their dumpling heads.” He tries to present them to Darnay for tutelage (remember that Darnay is a tutor) as “three lumps of bread-and-cheese towards your matrimonial picnic” and is politely rejected. I guess that means it is a money making opportunity for him? I couldn’t find a good explanation online. Must be an old timey phrase. Anyway, the rejection of his dumpling stepsons just causes Stryver to brood and tell anyone who will listen to “beware the pride of Beggars, like that tutor-fellow” and regale them with tales of how Lucie tried to ensnare him with her feminine wiles, which is totally what happened, as you know.

Carton stops by from time to time uninvited, just as he said he would, only he never seems to be drunk when he does. The kids (and then just Little Lucie) adore him. The year is now Anna Dominoes 1789 and Little Lucie is 6. On this particular evening, Mr. Lorry drops by to say hello.

Lorry: I say old chap, today has been positively cray cray at Tellson’s. Something has gotten the French all in a tizzy and they have been sending us their valuables left and right for safekeeping.

Dr. Manette: Well that’s not a good sign.

L: Certainly not, and the whole situation has definitively and unequivocally gotten my panties in a twist.

D: Well then, as a proper Englishman, there can only be one possible solution: Have some tea.

Meanwhile In Paris, Oprah parades through the streets with weapons saying “You get a musket! And you get a musket!” Then Billy Mays pops out and says “But wait, there’s more! Revolt now and get a free cutlass! I’ll even throw in this pitchfork! You had better act now because this mob energy won’t last forever!”

At the wine shop Defarge is also distributing weapons. Even Madame Defarge has exchanged her knitting for a “cruel knife.” More like crewel knife, amirite? Bah-dum-tssss. In an amazing coincidence, everyone in the wine shop this day is named Jacques.

Mel Gibson in full FREEDOM mode runs in and shouts “Everyone! To the Bastille!” The entire crowd is composed entirely of people name Jacques as well. Even Mel Gibson.

The air is thick with Boom! Crash! Pow!  And other 60’s Batman action words. Mid afternoon the fortress surrenders and the mob rushes in. Defarge forces a guard to take him to 105 North Tower where he searches for clues left behind by Dr. Manette. Finding only his initials he burns the straw mattress and furniture and returns to the courtyard where the captured governor is being held. They march him to the town hall where the nobility and clergy are gathered in opposition to the people, cut of his head, and carry it around on a pike. That’s one way to get ahead I guess.

Chapter 22
The Sea Still Rises

It’s a week after the storming of the Bastille and so many onomatopoetic Batman word bubbles have been flying around that people now have cool superhero names like “The Vengeance” (not making that up).

THOR, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

The minister of finance, who famously said “If those rascals have no bread, then let them eat hay,” fled the city and spread rumors of his death. Defarge enters the wine shop to tell them that the rumors of his death had been greatly exaggerated and the corrupt old minister had in fact been captured just now. The rabble is roused, and off they stomp to the town hall for a good old fashioned lynching. They drag him to a light post and hang him with his mouth stuffed full of grass. Then they hunt down his son-in-law and do the same. After that they all go home to have a meager dinner and tell their kids a bedtime story that I am sure was totally wholesome.

Chapter 23
Fire Rises

Our friend Jacques the Road Mender sits contemplating how a wonderous and shiny ruler like Monseigneur Hot Chocolate could have caused such a desolate wasteland everywhere. He also thinks about food. Like most people, he is basically the opposite of a hobbit: no second breakfast, no elevensies, no tea time. Just a giant bowl of disappointment for supper.

A stranger appears on the road and asks for directions to the château of our late friend the Marquis, then takes a nap on a pile of stones while it hails periodically. This sounds very comfortable. At dusk Jacques the Road Mender wakes him and off he goes to the stone château to light it on fire.

Gabelle,(henchman for the late Marquis de Monsieur and the local tax man) rides into the village to plead for help. The residents decline but point out that the flames must be forty feet high. As you may recall, the scaffold they built over the fountain years ago was forty feet high. Nice callback Dickens, nice callback.

Next he rides to the prison to ask help from the guards. They are equally disinclined. At this point he suspects they may not be too fond of him, so he goes home and bars his door while the villagers discover that fancy carriages make very good tinder.

Chapter 24
Drawn to the Loadstone Rock

Three years have gone by, which have DEFINITELY been the Worcestershire of times in France, and the French nobility have all skedaddled to London and other far flung regions. A lot of them hover around Tellson’s either because they sent their valuables there before they all got ousted, or because they know people who did. Everyone comes there for news from France and to politely listen to the French nobility grumble about how they are gonna get revenge on their ungrateful peasants. It’s the best place for formerly rich aristocrats to do this because the English are way too polite to point out that it was obvious how they did this to themselves. Guess it’s the best of Shires for Tellson’s.

Inside, Lorry and Darnay chat:

Darnay: “But, although you are the youngest man that ever lived…”

Lorry: I’m too old?

D: Look, I’m just saying I think I should go instead.

L: Says the Frenchman who exiled himself.

D: Yeah, I am French, so I can totally fit in.

L: Nah, see, I’m going to collect and/or hide complicated papers that have both words AND numbers that are important to people. Stuff that lists the names of people’s first pets, what high school they went to, and the color of their first car. It’s best I go so I can hide them or whatever. Just because I’m old doesn’t mean I’m old you whippersnapper!

D: Well at least take someone with you.

L: I will! I am taking Jerry. He makes for a good bodyguard and no one will suspect him of plotting anything since he clearly has a grand total of two brain cells in his head. We’re all set to leave tonight.

Just then another banker brings an envelope addressed to Marquis St. Evrémonde (Darnay’s true name that only Dr. Manette knows) and asks Mr. Lorry if he knows who that is. The crowd of disgruntled nobility all chime in about how Evrémonde is scummy scum who betrayed their delicate sensibilities. Stryver is there and joins in with insulting him:

Darnay: I know him.

Stryver: What what what!?!?! That is awful. Do you know what he did.

D: Put pineapple on pizza?

S: Worse. Much worse. He abandoned expensive property. It was super nice. I will spend the next two paragraphs vilifying him and explaining in detail how that is the worst imaginable crime.

D: So….bad?

S: The worst, and it’s too bad you know him, since his lack of greed is probably infectious, and if you get subverted into thinking there is more to life than money than those dangerous ideals might leak onto the children you teach.

D: Well, we can’t have that. I’ll be sure to tell Evrémonde that other rich people don’t like him.

S: You do that! Harrumph!

Darnay offers to take the letter to his secret alter ego, then leaves to read it in private.

Dear The Artist Formerly Known as Marquis St. Evrémonde,

Bad news, I’m in jail in Paris. I followed your instructions when you left telling me not to charge rent, collect as few taxes as possible, and generally be a chill dude. No one seemed to care too much about that though and everyone is super mad since I represented someone who left the country, namely you. Basically they’re just super mad that I pretended you were still here in France. Could you do me a solid and come bail me out?

Yours,
Gabelle

That’s the short version. The long version is like 5 times longer because he adds “Please, The Artist Formerly Known as Marquis St. Evrémonde,” at the start and end of every sentence.

Darnay decides he has to go help, and it would be best if Lucie and her dad not know until he was gone, so he writes some letters, packs a bag, and leaves the next night on the pretense of a quick errand. I’m sure nothing bad could happen. If you don’t count the continual string of unfortunate events, so far nothing bad has occurred in this super cheerful book, so I am sure they will be fine.