A Tale of Two Cities: Part the Last

While Carton and Barsad converse in a side room, Mr. Lorry looks suspiciously at Jerry:

Lorry: Jerry, what were you besides a messenger?

Jerry: Definitely not a grave robber.

L: I am much distrust. If you were, I would denounce you when we got back to England.

J: I just said I’m not, but if I were, which I’m not, let me ramble about how it is actually an honest profession. Doctors and whatnot need bodies, so they work with graverobbers. Bankers work with doctors, which means you, as a banker, work with grave robbers, Not saying I am one, but again, even if I were, which I’m not, would you do me a solid and not fire Crunchito? If somehow I were a graverobber I would feel really bad about it and do penance by being an honest grave digger if you let Crunchito stay on as a sign holder. Besides, there are tons of headless bodies around here, so not like I’d be doing it now as there would be no profit in it. Also, I did speak up for a good cause when I could have stayed quiet.

L: Well that last part is true at least. Please stop talking. I’ll judge you by your actions but please for the love of long-winded, dear, sweet baby Jesus just stop talking.

Carton and Barsad come back in and Barsad and Jerry leave.

L: So Carton, what did you discuss?

C: Not much, just made arrangements to see Darnay after the trial should it not go in his favor.

L: Even if you do see him it won’t free him.

C: Never said it would.

L: [is sad]

C: Look, don’t tell Lucie I’m here in Paris or what arrangements I made. She might think all sorts of fanciful ideas and she has enough going on right now.

L: Quite right. In any event I’m set to leave for England on the morrow. I did all I came to do and would like to have done more, but alas, you can only do so much when you have little to no law in the area. Plus I am old, and old people have a tendency of dying, and I would rather do that back home.

C: So many people will miss you when you’re gone.

L: Well I don’t know about all that. Not an old bachelor like me.

C: Pretty sure Lucie will.

L: Well yeah, you’re probably right.

C: Think of how sad it would be to die and have no one miss you. If you had lived your whole life having done no good, and no one to mourn you.

L: Yeah, sad indeed.

[sad silence]

C: Welp. [slaps knee] Enough of this cheer. Are you off to see Lucie?

L: Indeed.

C: I will walk with you there then wander the streets like a lonely vagabond. Best thing to do when one is all depresso espresso.

He wanders to La Force, greets Samson the Wood Sawyer (formerly Jacques the Road Mender) who regales him in how splendid the executions were that day. Sixty-three people in record time. Isn’t that great? After that Carton goes to the chemist, who sells him several mystery packets of ingredients that he is warned not to mix together. Ether? bomb juice? Not sure. After that he wanders off to be sad some more. He mopes all night, dozes by the river, then heads off to the trial.

At the trial Darnay is shuffled in to the cheers of the throng:

Judges: [reads charges] And who denounces him?

Prosecutor: Madame and Monsieur Defarge and Dr. Manette.

Manette: Wait, what? Nothing is dearer to me than my daughter? No way would I do this! It’s a forgery!

Judges: Okay first of all, we thoroughly vet our sources in this kangaroo court, and second, pretty sure the Republic is most dear to you and you would sacrifice anything for it if asked, even your daughter, right?

[crowd roars approval]

Juudges: See? I thought so. Now, moving along, what proof do you have, Monsuier Defarge?

Defarge: Well, as you remember from yesterday’s kangaroo court, Manette was released to my care after his imprisonment, and he was quite addled. He only knew himself as “105 North Tower.” As you know, I was a cannoneer the day the Bastille fell. [More thunderous applause] and when the commotion was over I resolved to go examine 105 North Tower. In the chimney behind a loose stone I found this paper. [Holds up scraps of paper] I checked it against his handwriting and verified it to be his. I am about to read it, but to add extra pizzazz before I do, I will first end this chapter, since it is like ten pages long.

Right, so that went well. The judges unanimously condemn him and tell the good doctor that he no doubt feels great joy in making his daughter a widow. Off to jail for Darnay’s execution the following afternoon. Cheers!

Lucie and Darnay are both pretty bummed about this outcome but they are allowed to say goodbye. Darnay tells Dr. Manette that it makes a whole lot more sense now why he dreaded learning his real last name and how valiantly he must have struggled against doing anything unkind. Darnay gets carried off to the prison, Lucie faints, and Carton pops out from the corner where he was lurking and offers to carry her to the waiting coach. He escorts them home and carries her up to bed. Little Lucie begs Carton to help, and hears him whisper to Lucie “A life you love.” I know, seemed like an odd thing to say to me too, but whatevs.

Carton encourages Manette to try to plead for Darnay’s release, even though everyone knows it is hopeless, mostly so they can all say they at least tried. Manette will go out to plead his case at sunset when the squaredancing in the street dies down and Carton will come round Mr. Lorry’s at 9 PM to see how it went.

Carton makes a plan to be as visible as possible that night so that a person such as he (one that looks exactly like Darnay, hint hint) is abroad in the city. He gets supper then goes to the Defarge wineshop. In the shop are Jacques Three, the Vengeance, and the Defarges. They all do a double take and tell each other how extraordinarily similar to Darnay he looks. He buys some wine, picks up a paper, and starts eavesdropping.

Defarge: We gotta draw the line somewhere in dealing with the Evrémondes.

Madame Defarge (M): Yeah, at extermination.

Defarge: Seems a bit extreme. I mean, Dr. Manette looked super bummed.

M: Exactly why we need to exterminate him. A true patriot wouldn’t be sad.

D: Well his daughter, now soon to be widow, was super bummed, so he was probably bummed for her sake.

M: More reason exterminate all of them.

D: Look, maybe just kill Darnay and call it good. They’ve suffered enough.

M: Listen, I’ve been keeping a ledger of who to kill for a while now, right?

D: Yeah.

M: And after we stormed the Bastille and you found the paper and read it remember how I revealed a new plot twist?

D: Yeah.

M: And that plot twist was that the woman who died of brain fever was my sister! The peasant boy who was stabbed was my brother! The two men that were worked to death were my brother-in-law and father! The Evrémondes killed them all, right?

D: Right, but you’re getting kind of worked up, so maybe calm down.

Oooooooooh. Big mistake my dude. Didn’t you read the “Things never to say to an angry woman” handbook? Even if not, it’s common sense to say precisely NOT-THAT in a situation like this. Her reaction is pretty much exactly what you might expect.

Carton pays for his drink and makes a big show of looking confused about French money to show he is an English foreigner, then asks for directions. He leaves and goes to the bank to find Mr. Lorry having just arrived. Lorry is all in a tizzy because Manette isn’t back yet. He  leaves Carton to wait for him while he goes back to console Lucie.

Lorry comes back around midnight to see if Manette has come back yet, and just then Manette finally shows up. He looks completely dejected and starts begging for his shoe making tools. He is totally addled and in shoemaking mode again, which is a decidedly not great plot development. They tell him to sit down while the fetch the tools for him, then they step like five feet away to have a “private conversation” without lowering their voices at all. This always somehow works in movies even though the people they stepped away from are silently waiting in full view, so it works here too.

Lorry: We had better take him to Lucie.

Carton: Quite right, but it’s obvious that the plan to pardon Darnay did not go well, so before we do that I am gonna give you some instructions and please don’t ask me to explain them. First, here are my travel papers identifying me as Sydney Carton. I am going to visit Darnay in prison before his execution and I can’t take them with me into the prison because reasons. Can you please hold them for me?

L: Kind of random but okay.

C: Next, in Dr. Manette’s coat you’ll find papers granting free travel for him, Lucie, and Little Lucie in and out of the city and country. Best hang onto those too.

L: Okay, well that part makes sense given his condition.

C: Exactly. Those travel papers are good until revoked, and I have a feeling they will be soon, since I overheard Madame Defarge get told to calm down by her husband.

L: Oh dear, didn’t he read the “Things never to say to an angry woman” handbook?

C: Right? That’s what I thought. Anyway, I visited my spy Barsad, who told me that Madame Defarge is in league with a Samson the Wood Sawyer who lives by the prison. Defarge told him to say that he saw Lucie giving secret hand signals to a prisoner at the window, and that will be a pretext to have all of them sent to the guillotine as well.

L: I am horrified.

C: Understandable, but it is up to you to save them. As you know it is a capital offense to mourn those executed by the guillotine. It’s a sure bet that Lucie and her father will be visibly sad, so Madame Defarge will wait a few days, maybe even a week, before making her accusation. That way they have a chance to show their grief and strengthen her case. You with me so far?

L: Following you like a lost puppy.

C: Right, so since you literally run a bank, you have enough money to buy the fastest possible means of getting to the coast and out of the country. You need to have horses and a carriage ready to go at 2 PM sharp.

L: On it like like white on rice on a paper plate in a snowstorm.

C: Good man. Now, go tell Lucie the plan and impress on her that the life of her father and daughter depend on it. She might not want to leave if it were just her, so you have to make her get ready to leave for their sake. Quietly arrange for the carriage in the courtyard, with everyone ready to go, and the moment I appear, I will hop in the carriage and away we go at all haste. You need to promise you will wait for no reason.

L: I will forego asking the obvious question that the reader is probably thinking of why we need to wait till 2 and where you are off to when the need to leave is so dire, and instead just go with it.

C: Okay good, best not to ask questions, because at this point it is probably obvious to the readers what I am planning. Just remember that if you deviate even slightly from this plan, literally everyone will die. Die to death. Horribly. No pressure though.

Then they step the five feet back to Manette, and coax him to put on his hat and coat and take him home, by enticing him with the promise of his workbench and tools.

Darnay and fifty-one other prisoners are slated for execution. In his cell, he steels himself to his coming death, and writes a letter to Lucie:

He also write a letter to her father.

Last he writes a letter to Mr. Lorry

He totally forgets about Carton.

The next morning he wakes up and spends the hours pacing about. Around 1 PM Carton pops in to say hello.

Darnay: I am much shocked.

Carton: No time for that, I come with a message from your wife. Just pretend that she is asking in her most pleading voice for us to swap clothes.

D: That seems like a totally reasonable thing for her to ask, so I will comply without question. I can’t escape though, you know?

C: Who said anything about escape? Quick, now that you are dressed like me you need to write down what I am about to dictate word for word. You’ll need to focus on it so you don’t notice me preparing ether.

D: Again, seems totally normal, so okay.

C: “If you remember the words that passed between us, long ago, you will readily comprehend this when you see it. You do remember them, I know. It is not in your nature to forget them.”

D: I am starting to smell ether. Weird but oh well, I will keep writing.

C: Good. “I am thankful that the time has come, when I can prove them. That I do so is no subject for regret or grief. If it had been otherwise, I should have had but the more to answer for.”

D: That looks suspiciously like ether.

C: Surprise! It’s ether!

Darnay passes out, Carton calls in Barsad.

C: Now call for aid to carry him out. Tell him the parting has overwhelmed him and he fainted.

B: You sure you won’t rat me out?

C: If I did I’m pretty sure we would both get the chop, so not really motivated to.

B: That’s fair.

C: Now do as we agreed, take him to the courtyard, put him in the carriage, and tell Lorry to race away all quick like.

 [Calls guards]

B: Oh look, This person who is dressed like Carton, because he is definitely Carton and not Evrémonde, has fainted! Let’s take him out and leave the person who is definitely Evrémonde to contemplate his imminent doom.

Carton is left to do just that for a while till all the prisoners are called out and the guards say “Okay, everyone find you guillotine buddy. Remember, safety first!” Then a young seamstress approaches Carton.

Seamstress: Citizen Evrémonde! Remember me? We were in La Force Prison together.

Carton: Erm…of course I remember. Tell me again what you were in for?

S: Plotting sinister sewing patterns or something I guess.

C: Oh right, that would do it.

S: I’m not afraid to die, especially if it will help the Republic, though I don’t see how it could. I am definitely not afraid, but maybe we could be guillotine buddies and I could ride with you in the paddy wagon? So I can be extra not afraid?

C: Of course.

S: [Leans closer and recognizes he is not Evrémonde] Le gasp!

C: Shhh!!!

S: You are taking his place at the gallows.

C: Obviously.

S: Fair point. Can we still be guillotine buddies?

C: Definitely. By the way, I’m single you know.

Meanwhile, Lorry drives the getaway car with everyone but Pross and Jerry. It is decided that in order to not overburden the coach they should head on after them in a sportscar: really fast and probably without a muffler. They are both free to come and go in Paris and France in general, so it makes sense. Plus, this way they can speed along and prepare the way for the changing of horses and such.

Lorry and friends are stopped at the city border to see their passports.

Guard: Alexandre Manette? Which is he?

Lorry: The one muttering about shoes and rocking in the corner.

G: Ah, too much revolutionary fever. Happens a lot these days, people getting overwhelmed by all the good work we do.

L: Good work, yep. That’s it all right.

G: Lucie Manette? Which is she?

L: The only grown woman in the carriage? Right there. [Points in obvious]

G: Here, give me a kiss Lucie, so you can know what it’s like to kiss a real Republican and not a traitor.

Gross but okay.

G: Little Lucie, child. Which one is she?

L: Literally the only child in the carriage.

G: Oh okay. As you are probably gathering, I am not terribly bright. Next travel papers are for Sydney Carton.

L: He’s the one passed out in the corner. He’s had ill health lately and a friend of his is in jail.

G: Everyone has a friend in jail these days. He’ll get over it. Last is Jarvis Lorry. Which one is that.

L: As I am the only person you have left to identify, it is probably me.

G: Right, again I am clearly dumb. Just last week I had an old man and a boy with two droids that we were looking for, but he told me they were not the droids we were looking for so I let them pass. Did I get an earful for that one, I tell ya. Anyway, move along, move along.

Out into the country they ride. They make haste, but not too much haste lest they draw attention. Like a casual sort of haste. Like speedwalking kind of haste. They stop at a village to gas up (change out horses) and casually wait while the station attendant with missing teeth counts out their change one coin at a time. It is a tense scene so of course he takes his time.

Finally they are back on the road and continue to leisure speed along.

While Carton and Darnay are doing their switcharoo, Madame Defarge, the Vengeance, and Jacques Three confer in Samson the Wood Sawyers shack.

Madame Defarge: My husband is a good patriot and all, but he has a weakness for the doctor, so I can’t trust him in this matter. I don’t much care if the doctor dies, but the wife and child have to be exterminated (yes, she uses the word exterminated) and might as well make it an even four.

Jacques Three: Oh cool! Her curly golden hair would look great as a dismembered head, and we don’t get too many kids, so that’s a plus.

(Macabre much?)

M: Exactly, and I can’t let my husband know or he might get soft and warn them. Then they might escape

J: We can’t have that, we’re not filling our quota of sixty heads a day as it is on most days, and that simply won’t do.

M: Yes, meeting the quota is a plus, but mostly I have an irrational need to exterminate everyone tangentially related to my family’s murder even if they weren’t even alive when it happened. My husband is just too obnoxiously rational for the job. Like I always said, if you want bloodlust done right, you have to do it yourself. Now, Wood Sawyer, you remember what I told you to say, right?

Wood Sawyer: Yep, She stood there every day in all weather from 2-4 making secret hand gestures.

M: Perfect. Now how does everyone feel about killing the doctor? Doesn’t really matter to me either way.

J: Quota, Remember? He counts for a head same as any other. We are clearly no longer dispensing justice but just like to chop, right?

M: That’s the spirit! Now, go save me a seat for the afternoon Beheadathon while I go over to visit the Manettes. Lucie will probably be all bummed and grieving, and likely to curse the Republic, so it is the perfect opportunity to catch her expressing emotion. See you in a bit, I am off to have the author spend a full page describing how scary and ominous I am while I walk through the streets.

While she is making her determined way to the Manettes, Jerry and Pross watch the getaway coach speed away, then make plans of their own.

Pross: Time to go rent a sportscar. Might not be wise to leave from this courtyard, since two carriages leaving the same day might attract notice.

Jerry: Sounds good. Before we go though, I’d like you to make note of two promises I want to make, in case I don’t make it.

P: Okay, shoot.

J: First, I promise to Lorry and friends that I’ll never do it again.

P: Not sure what “it” is but okay.

J: Definitely not graverobbing, though if it were graverobbing, I wouldn’t do that again either.

P: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.

J: Next, I promise not to interfere with Mrs. Cruncher flopping about and cursing me.

P: Not sure what that is all about but again, sure. If we ever make it back to England I will be sure to tell her of your promise. Now can we get going please?

J: Okay. What’s the plan?

P: You go get a sportscar from Enterprise Rent-A-Horse, and pick me up at the cathedral.

J: Shouldn’t we stick together?

P: No because…well…the author doesn’t really say why, but just no. Pick me up at 3 at the cathedral.

Jerry goes off to get the sportscar while Pross composes herself so she doesn’t look sus walking through town. She is splashing cold water on her face when she looks up to find Madame Defarge standing in the doorway looking ominous. She realizes all the doors are left wide open, making it look like everyone just fled, so she goes around closing them all, because closing them after the fact is somehow less suspicious. Then she turns to face Defarge:

Pross: You look about as pleasant as Lucifer’s wife but I can definitely out-stubborn you.

Madame Defarge: Where is Lucie Manette?

At this point we learn that Madame Defarge speaks no English, and we already know that Pross never learned French, so instead they decide to settle things with a dance-off. Essentially Defarge demands to see Lucie, and Pross is determined not to let he into the empty room behind her, because she knows that until Defarge is certain she has gone, she won’t start pursuit, and the longer she stalls, the greater chance the rest have to get away. They both have super sweet dance moves, so the situation is a bit of an unstoppable force meets an immovable object, only set to Dance Dance Revolution. Defarge lunges for the door, Pross bear hugs her with the strength of a drowning woman, they struggle, Defarge goes for the gun she is packing in her bra, Pross sees it and baps at it, discharging it into Defarge’s chest. The point blank gun blast deafens them both, but Defarge’s lack of hearing is mostly due to the giant gunshot wound in her chest, Pross just has hearing loss. Sucks to suck Defarge. Sucks to suck.

Pross puts on a bonnet with a veil to hide all the dishevelment resulting from the dance off, then goes to the cathedral. Jerry picks her up and at first Pross is confused why she can’t hear anything, so she repeatedly asks if there are any street noises. Jerry gradually figures out that she has gone deaf. Sadly this is permanent, but at least Defarge is dead, right? Hear hear!

The fifty-two prisoners slowly roll along the streets to the guillotine. Bystanders continuously ask the guards to point out Darnay so they can jeer him while he quietly stands holding the seamstresses hand. They arrive at the chopping block while the Vengeance frantically searches and calls for Madame Defarge. The other women sit knitting and casually looking as each head tumbles into the basket and is held up. Carton steps out, still holding the hand of the seamstress, while everyone jeers him. He has a curious serene smile on his face that spectators will later remember. His inner monologue sees a shining new future rising from the ashes. He sees Little Lucie grow to be a beautiful woman, and a family that will always remember him for what he did. He is content knowing that he has finally done something worthwhile. He finishes with the famous line: