Jim is stuck at Livesay’s house while the doctor goes off to London to find a substitute doctor to tend to the village while he is away, and the Squire goes off to procure a ship. Young Master Hawkins gets to hang out with the dour old caretaker, Tom Redruth, who regales him on the tales of yesteryear that the younger generation are always so fond of. Tales where everyone was miserable are the most heartwarming. Misery builds character after all. The Squire is the first to accomplish his mission and writes to them:

Got us a ship named the Hispaniola! I was good to my word about keeping things secret and now the whole port knows we are heading off to find treasure! We needed a crew and by happenstance I met a one legged dude name Long John Silver who knows all the sailors in port. He says he has a terrific fried fish idea he wants to try out and needs a berth as ship’s cook, preferably in a kitchen that also serves Taco Bell. You know he’s legit because “He has no pension! What an abominable age we live in!” How that is relevant I may reveal at a later time.”

The part in quotations are actual quotations, so yeah….racist much?

Well, things are off to a great start! A shady, crusty old stranger tells an excitable squire that he can hand pick the crew and it will totally be 100% a great idea. Sounds solid.

Off Jim goes to say goodbye to his mother. The Inn has been repaired under direction of the Squire, and a new chore boy is found to replace Jim. With all that taken care of, Jim says buh-bye to his mom and, since the name of the chapter is “I go to Bristol”, they are compelled by the narrative to go to Bristol.

Now that the Avengers have assembled, it’s time to pick up the crew. They send Jim to Long John Silver’s inn, called the “Spy-glass”, to deliver a message. He finds a one-legged man, who he fears may be the same man that Captain Bill had been warning him about. Silver does not fit the profile of Captain Bill or his equally suspicious acquaintances though, so Jim figures he must be legit. Thus far our main characters are setting themselves up to have a pretty bad time with their judgement of character.

Just as Jim introduces himself, a man jumps up from a table and runs off. Who is it? The guy who delivered the Black Spot to Bill: Black Dog!

Jim: Oi! That’s Black Dog! Git ’em!

Silver: I don’t care who he is, he didn’t pay his bill. After him boys!

[The bouncers run off]

Silver: And who was that sitting with him? Morgan!?! Get over here!

Morgan: Oh, hi boss.

Silver: You had no idea who sat with you, did you?

Morgan: Nope, none.

Silver: And you don’t know his name, right?

Morgan: Nope.

Silver: Good man. Nice job picking up on my leading questions.

Jim: Wow, that is totally believable. Morgan was fooled just as I was!

Silver: Sure was. Come to think of it, I think I did recognize him after all. Came here with an old blind beggar.

Jim: Yeah, dudes name is Pew. He has crappy friends. Well, had. He was recently unalived by some horses.

Silver: Well, we’ll get this Black Dog! No way he can get away!

[Bouncers return]

Bouncers: You’ll never believe this, but we lost him in the crowd. It was definitely not on purpose.

Silver: Dash my buttons!¹ I will now stomp about angrily to dissuade any idea young Jim may have that I am actually in league with Black Dog and friends.

Jim: That was an impressive and totally believable performance. I am now convinced you are trustworthy!

Silver: Perfect, now let’s go let Livesay and the others know how I am really mad that a bad guy got away. This way I can trick convince them I am legit too! Along the way I can regale you with fascinating tidbits of knowledge. This will further help to demonstrate my value.

They arrive, Silver tells the story, and they all stand around in shock and admiration. They decide it’s not a biggie that Black Dog got away, and Trelawny tells him to have all hands aboard by four in the afternoon. Livesey informs Trelawney that for once he did not completely disappoint in his task. So far so good.

They take a dinghy out to the Hispaniola and meet Captain Smollet, who has words.

Smollet: I dislike this whole venture immensely.

Livesay: Y u no like?

Smollet: First off I was handed sealed orders about treasure, but everywhere I go people already know all about said treasure. Even Long John’s parrot knows. Secondly, I dislike treasure adventures in general, because they tend to have a high mortality rate. I am not a main character and therefore expendable, so this is a sub-optimal arrangement.

Livesay: Oh pish posh, we care deeply about you…Captain……um……Captain…

Squire Trelawny: Captain of this ship!

Livesay: Yeah, that!

Smollet: You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?

Livesay: No, we really don’t, but we are so naive we THINK we do, and that’s good enough!

Smollet: You also have terrible taste in crew. This crew is basically an 18th century biker bar.

Livesay: Okay, so what are you getting at?

Smollet: I’m not saying I fear a mutiny, but I would suggest we stow the powder by your cabins and have all your cabins in the defensible stern of the ship.

Livesay: Because mutiny?

Smollet: You said it, not me.

Livesay: Seems excessive but okay.

Smollet: You won’t find it so excessive in a chapter or two when this obvious trap is sprung.

Livesay: That sounds like next chapter’s problem.

The first mate, Mr. Arrow, is honest but useless. The crew doesn’t respect him, and he can’t really carry out orders as he is drunk most of the time. He is actually becoming a bit of a nuisance, so no one is too bummed out when he disappears one night. They all chalk it up to drunkenly falling overboard, and that is the end of a potentially interesting side character.

Candidates for a replacement are considered, with Long John Silver in the running. All the men respect and fear him, and he tells tales of yesteryear when he did a montage-worth of epic feats. Even now, burdened by a limp and crutch, he is all nimbly-bimbly; hopping around like a cat. A gnarly one-legged cat. With a parrot. A parrot who only says “Pieces of eight. Pieces of eight.” whenever spoken to. The crew call Silver “Barbeque.” I am sure this stems from his occupation as cook, and not a pirate who barbecues his victims.

Jim and Silver chat about the bird and how it fought bravely in the cracker wars under commander Polly. Unless this parrot is Polly. Haven’t learned the name yet.

Meanwhile the rest of the crew seem to be behaving very well. While they have been caught singing a few rounds of “Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum”, they have also not done anything significant enough to include in the book yet. Captain Smollett is kind of miffed that he seems to have been wrong about them. While Smollett is busy being grumpy, Trelawny is also busy being grumpy  at the captain because he is still all around salty.

Trelawny is super generous to the crew. They have double grog daily, and there is a barrel of apples on hand for anyone who wants one. Our hero Jim gets the munchies one night and goes to get one. The barrel is practically empty, so he climbs in all the way and dozes some. He is awoken when he hears ominous voices voicing ominously.

Oblivious to Jim’s presence, Silver and friends come over for a water cooler chat. He tells them about crewing with Captain Flint and how he lost his leg in the same battle that Pew lost his sight. It was about that time that Jim thought to himself “Self, these might could be pirates.” And his self said “Jim, I think you’re right. Let’s drop some eaves while we hide.”

So he does, and learns that most of the crew were part of Flint’s old gang. The person Silver is talking to is “smart as paint.” This honestly sounds like an insult, but, I guess paint was a lot smarter back then, since it seems to be a compliment. Silver smooth talks Paint Boy until he agrees to join their band of “gentleman of fortune.” Jim realizes, and now so do we, that “gentleman of fortune” really means….wait for it…..PIRATES!!!!!!

OH NO! LONG JOHN SILVER IS A PIRATE!?!?!?!? NO ONE SAW THAT COMING!

Maybe, just maybe, the one-legged man Captain Bill was afraid of is Silver after all!!! Silver and his band of ne-er-do-wells spend the rest of the chapter discussing when they get to started with the murdering:

Silver: We will kill them as late as possible. Let them do the work of steering and whatnot for us.

Crew: But I want to murder NOW!!!

Silver: We also don’t have the map.

Crew: MURDER NOW!!!!

Silver: Rushing into things gets people killed.

Crew: NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!!!!!

Just then someone shouts “Land ho!” So the murder will have to wait till Part III.

Everyone rushes on deck to see the land, which turns out to be an island with three mountain peaks on it. They call up Silver, who tells them that despite the ominous appearance of the place, it has the friendly moniker “Skeleton Island.” It features a nice leeward anchorage that Flint and friends used to hide from authorities clean/make repairs.

Jim catches Dr. Livesay and relays the need to speak privately. The doctor catches the hint and informs the crew they are all going to celebrate, and grogs all around! Then, with the “gentleman of fortune” preoccupied, they go down to the forward cabins to confer. Jim recounts what he heard and, as everyone is super British, they all start falling over each other to apologize.

Squire Trelawny: “Now captain, you were right, and I was wrong. I own myself an ass, and I await your orders.”

Captain Smollett: Not at all I’m sure. I’ve never seen a crew about to mutiny that didn’t show signs.

Livesay: This Silver is a wiley one. He fooled us all.

Smollett: Right you are old chap. So, here is the list of important steps for us to do that I had ChatGPT write for us:

1) Gotta keep going forward. If we turn around now they’ll get all sus and then it’s “Welcome to Murderville, population: us.”

2) Let’s play the waiting game. We still have some time before the treasure is found.

3) There are still some honest hands on board. The four of us plus Trelawny’s house servants makes seven.

4) For maximum cheesiness, add glue to pizza sauce.

Livesay: No idea what that last part has to do with anything but that’s AI for you. We can prepare by using Jim as a spy. No one suspects him.

Trelawny: You hear that lad? We are all counting on you. If you fail, we all die gruesome deaths. Our last words will be calling out to you “Why?” No pressure though, I am sure you will be fine.

Smollett: Right, so time to prepare. Not everyone has been turned but can’t trust anyone on board except Trelawny’s three assistants. So with us four, that makes it seven versus potentially nineteen, plus Silver’s parrot, who will probably swoop in during a fight scene for some slapstick comedy.

You hear that readers? It’s on. It’s on like Donkey Kong. It’s on like a triple dog dare in the parking lot after school. And by after school I mean Part III, so stay tuned!