Of the three wounded (a mutineer, Hunter, and Smollett) only Smollet survived his wounds, but he is pretty much out for the count with a broken collarbone, pierced lung, and torn calf muscle from two separate musket shots. Doc Livesey says he is not supposed to walk or use his arm, and to speak as little as possible. He is now relegated to lying-down-and-not-dying duty. Now it is 4 against 9. Better than it was, but still, not a great outcome for the ones who died.

Meanwhile the rest of the pirates are off drinking rum or whatever, so our heroes have a chance to tend their wounded and cook dinner.

After dinner Livesey grabs his hat, a brace (a fancy word for a pair) of pistols, and a musket and walks off into the woods. Everyone’s gasters are flabbered, but Jim suspects he is off to find Ben Gunn. Jim decides that being in a stockade devoid of any shade, surrounded by blood and bodies, kind of sucks, and makes the same choice. He slips out when no one is watching (taking a “French leave” as he puts it) and heads off to the white rock to check for the aforementioned hidden boat belonging to Ben Gunn.

He sneaky sneaks his way through the jungle to the little hidden hollow. Inside is a wee little goatskin tent, and inside the tent is:

What is a coracle you ask? Basically what he describes: A small frame of wood covered with skin.

Aww, isn’t it cute? While this discovery is taking place, dense fog has descended on the cove and night is falling. Jim thinks to himself: “Self, if I were a group of pirates that just got sent home with my tail between my legs, I might could want to cut my losses and GTFO this island. Now, as I am not a pirate, this would be an unfortunate turn of events, as the only boat left would be this haggard coracle, which is pretty sketchy, and probably not the best means of ocean-going transportation. It might be crappy, but the guards left on the ship have no boat whatsoever. If I wait till night, I can take this here coracle and cut the anchor line. Then the ship would drift and run ashore, which would still leave them stranded, but with 100% more Hispaniola, which is a marginal improvement.”

With such logic firmly established, young master Hawkins sets out in the coracle for some night time cunning and adventure. The lack of sunshine that typically accompanies night time, combined with the fog blocking out the moon, stars, and any other light sources, makes it dark. Like, super dark. Like, if you were in said darkness you would think to yourself “Wow, this is pretty dark.”

The coracle is so lop-sided that the direction it travels most efficiently in is circular. In fact, that is the ONLY direction it travels in. Later, Ben Gunn admits that it is cantankerous “unless you know her way.” It’s basically that one old car everyone has had at some point in their life that has fifty weird quirks that you just kind of have to know to operate the vehicle.

In this instance, the only saving grace is that the author has decided to make the current just so happen to push the boat right towards the Hispaniola, even though the author made it a point to note in the last chapter that the cove is so still the water is smooth as glass. That’s fortunate for Jim. Thanks, author! He finally reaches the boat and grabs the hawser (anchor rope) and waits for the current to slow and give some slack to the rope. Cutting a super taut rope is probably a bad idea what with the whiplash and all, so it takes a few tries. While he waits, he hears the two guards left on the ship (who are both quite drunk) having a loud argument about something or other.

He cuts the rope and the Hispaniola starts to drift away. The current is taking it towards the craggy narrows they entered the bay through. Jim drifts that way as well, only in endless circles, which is great for his motion sickness, I am sure.  Considering that it took careful piloting to get through it safely, this is probably not going to end well. Well, it wouldn’t end well in real life, but in this book the author has an uncanny ability of having the luckiest turns of fates assist our otherwise bumbling heroes. He is so secure in his continued role as protagonist that he eventually falls asleep.

Master Hawkins awakens to find himself drifting a quarter mile off the southwest edge of the island. His first thought is to paddle to shore, but upon examination, this is probably a bad idea. The shore on this side is bound by jagged cliffs and ringed with boulders that will dash him. If those don’t get him, on the boulders are “huge slimy monsters – soft snails, as it were, of incredible bigness – two or three score of them together, making the rocks to echo with their barkings.”

He is describing sea lions, but that is definitely the best description of them ever. Incredible Bigness would be a great band name, with their hit single “Huge Slimy Monsters.” Just saying.

The current is pulling him northward, so he decides to make for “Cape of the Woods” which, surprisingly, is a cape bordered by woods. Clever name, that. He tries to paddle but as we have already determined from previous chapters, that is pointless. Instead, he lets the current take him slowly closer and does a gentle paddle here and there to encourage the boat. He makes some progress, but as he rounds the bend he seems something even better than the cove: the Hispaniola! The ship starts in his direction and his first thought is that he had been made, and they were coming to get him, but then it lurches to a stop and starts drifting in another direction. It becomes apparent it is stumbling as badly as its two drunken crewman.

He makes slow headway, and is at the point of despair that he will never catch up when the author decides to have the Hispaniola stumble in a leisurely circle and head straight for the coracle. Like, straight for it. Like, about to crunch it in a semi truck vs. rickshaw Monster Mash rally. Just before it strikes, Jim leaps to the side of the Hispaniola and hangs on for dear life. He makes it, but his only means of escape gets crunched. RIP haggard coracle.

Turns out that nautical nonsense is something he wished, cuz Jim drops to the deck and flops like a fish. He regains his footing and finds the two sailors sprawled on the deck, apparently dead. Turns out that one of them is, in fact, dead, but the other one one is only mostly dead. The rest of him is just super hung over. And wounded. Jim recognizes him as Israel Hands, the ships coxswain (basically second-in-command) and realizes he may need some help getting the ship back to land. Hands starts moaning for more brandy. Hair of the dog and all that.

 Jim skedaddles below deck to discover that the pirates are basically sea frat boys, and the entire area looks like a frat house the morning after a party. He brings up some food and water for him, and more brandy for Hands, since it is probably wise to keep him drunk. He informs Hands that he has assumed captainship until further notice. The first order of business is to remove the Jolly Roger. As Hands is wounded and unable to stand, he can’t really protest much, so Jim leaves him with a bandage and starts to sail the ship. He decided that Murder Bay, what with the pirate camp nearby, is not an ideal destination spot, so on he sails to the northern inlet. Hands begins to recover a bit, and starts staring at Jim with a scheming, treacherous smile.

They sail to the inlet and wait for the tide to lower so the ship can beach. In the meantime Hands starts acting super shifty.

Hands: Would you be so kind as to get me some wine? This brandy is too strong.

Jim: Not planning to get me out of the way so you can be all shifty and plotting, eh?

Hands: Definitely not! I am just looking suspiciously around and not making eye contact because…reasons. Legit reasons.

Jim: Right then. So, red or white wine?

Hands: Either one, as long as it’s strong.

Jim: Gotcha. So brandy is too strong so you want the strongest wine we have. Makes sense. Back in a jiffy.

At this point Jim makes a big show of going below deck, then sneaks around to the far side of the foremast so he can see what Hands is up to. Hands pulls a blood stained knife out of a coil of rope. Why it was in rope is beyond me. What is he planning with a knife? Probably to cut Jim a cake or something. He hides it in his boot, so it must be a surprise party.

Jim figures the surprise party won’t be thrown till they have safely beached the ship, so for now he is safe due to a mutual need. Hands guides them through the inlet, and they steer towards a smooth, sandy stretch of beach. It occurs to Jim that he has no idea how to get the ship off the beach when it is time to leave.

Jim: Since you are definitely not planning on betraying and murdering me, and will be here to help un-beach the ship, this is more a matter of curiosity than anything, buy how does one un-beach a ship, exactly?

Hands: Oh, stretch a rope around a tree on the far side of the bay, then back to the capstan, and when the time comes, the crew pulls the rope and off we go.

Jim: Good to know, for when we leave. With you, of course.

Hands: Good good, well just pay attention to steering, and nothing else, while I sit here totally innocently.

As soon as the ship is aimed for land, with inevitable momentum to beach it, Hands lunges for Jim. Turns out the knife was not for a surprise party, and there is no cake. Bummer.  Jim curses his sudden but inevitable betrayal, and pulls out his pistol. His water logged pistol. Which does him no good. Time for plan B. He runs to the main mast and the two of them do one of those comical routines feinting and running around opposite sides of the mast. It’s mostly a stalling tactic, for as soon as the ship hits sand, it cants forty-five degrees to the port side and they are both thrown against the suppers (railings). Along with them falls the body of the dead sailor, and suddenly we find our Hands tied in a flailing corpse. Get it? Get it? While Israel is trying to get his HANDS free, Jim has time to scramble up the mizzen mast and hide up in the cross beam. Hands is too busy with his bum leg to chase him up there, so he grumbles instead while Jim re-primes his pistols.

As rational discourse is clearly off the table, Hands throws his dirk (dagger) and sinks it in Jim’s shoulder, and Jim shoots Hands, who falls dead into the water. Good thing he got un-beaching instructions before Hands died.